With others, I once created the characters SuperDan The Magnificent (SD) and King Darryl (KD). SuperDan was supposed to be highly intelligent but also very arrogant, narcissistic, and lacking in common sense. King Darryl was supposed to be of low intelligence and somewhat of a maloprop. Both were obsessed with taking over the world and at times believed they had already taken over parts of it, only to be rudely surprised when others did not obey orders. Both believed themselves superior to the other and work against each other behind their backs even while maintaining an alliance publicly. They often give newscasts to their minions/viewers. Here is just one of our many ideas:
SD: Greetings minions, and welcome to Imperial News. I am SuperDan The Magnificent.
The Empire is in trouble. It has recently been brought to my attention that to pursue our radical agenda of global conquest, we need money.
Coffee shop scene:
SD: Bring me an iced mocha with whipped cream, slave!
Cashier: That’ll be $3.49.
SD: I’m sorry, what?
SD: To remedy this situation, your brilliant leader has created a magnificent plan.
KD: I did what?
SD: Not you, silly! I have created a tax department so that you may fund our operations by paying your taxes. My assistant Darryl will run it.
KD: Wait a second; I’m the brilitant leader! You’re my desistent.
SD: Utter nonsense, you are my assistant.
KD: No. You’re my assistant!
SD: It says right on the company stationary! My name is on top: SuperDan The Magnificent. Your name is on the bottom: King Darryl.
KD: (grabs paper and turns it upside down) I’m the brilitant leader!
SD: I will not correct you again.
KD: (pulling a globe from beneath the desk) Hey, want the world? Want the world? Go get it! (throws globe away and SD chases it) Ha, all the taxes are mine! All mine!
In corner scene:
SD: (cuddles with globe) You’re such a cute little world, and I love you.
Later, when the tax department is established:
KD: Uh, Dan? What’s twenty plus two?
SD: Twenty two. Why?
KD: I’m trying to figure out how much each of our minions owe in taxes.
SD: (leans in) That is not a plus sign!
KD: It’s not? I guess I must have done the entire sheet wrong.
SD: (snatching sheet away) This is your shopping list!
The Great Asteroid Caper
SD: Good news citizens, I have found the solution to my troubles!
RY: You got a new psychiatrist?
SD: Hmm? No, my current psychiatrist is quite adequate for his purposes.
Psych Lab Scene:
Psychiatrist: (adjusting knobs on a helmet on a man’s head) You will do anything SuperDan says! Hahahaha!
SD: I have figured out how to take over the world!
RY: Have you now?
SD: Yes. The asteroid X-67 will pass close to Earth in the year 2014. Unfortunately, it will miss us – but not if I divert its course. By using a powerful laser, I can vaporize the far surface of the asteroid, creating a small explosive force altering the asteroid’s trajectory by fractions of a degree, which shall be just big enough to send it crashing into Earth in the year 2017. When this happens, the damage to the world’s ecology and communications infrastructure will result in total anarchy, thus clearing the way for our revolution! Muaahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
RY: Oh, great plan. (sarcasm)
SD: You’re welcome. (cannot recognize sarcasm)
SuperDan (giving press conference): And that is why my health care plan will succeed and Tom’s will fail! Any more stupid questions?
Reporter #1: SuperDan, how do you respond to rumors that you are secretly a huge Hanson fan?
SuperDan: Fortunately I do not have to respond to such ridiculous rumors, because no such rumors exist.
Reporter #1: How then do you explain this article in the New Daily Sunday Globe Times? (hands Dan a paper)
SuperDan: Ahhh…(looks at paper) I deny all accusations of this malicious, obscene, and utterly blasphemous rumor. My position on the issue of Hanson has always clearly been that they pose a grave threat to the well-being of society. Now, I must leave you all to go cut my toenails.
SuperDan: I have called all my advisors here because a terrible crime has been committed against us all, by which of course I mean me. A horrible rumor of my supposed affection for the vile and inferior musical group Hanson has been reported upon in the New Daily Sunday Globe Times. I want this organization burned to the ground!
Mike: Yes sir. What was the name of the organization?
SuperDan: The New Daily Sunday Globe Times.
Mike: The Daily Sunday Global…
SuperDan: No, the New Daily Sunday…
Mike: The Daily Globe Sundial…
SuperDan: No. You know what – just burn down all the presses. Okay? I have been so far unable to locate the original source of this rumor, but I have discovered it being passed from blog to blog as some sort of internet survey meme. (Dan turns on a projector showing an example of this survey)
Are you more or less likely to reelect SuperDan since he threatened the well-being of your family if you don’t?
Are you more or less likely to reelect SuperDan since he legalized running in place?
Are you more or less likely to reelect SuperDan since he loves Hanson so much?
Are you more or less likely to reelect SuperDan since his opponent is a drunk?
Do you believe in the Easter Bunny?
This meme is a survey consisting of five questions. Question number three asks if one would be less likely to reelect SuperDan since he loves Hanson so much. Of course I immediately ordered my elite police force to arrest all those involved in this horrible deed. (clears throat) Unfortunately, most of my police have blogs and had passed on this survey and so they threw themselves into lockup. They too were fooled. Millions of people all across the great United States of Danerica have fallen prey to this falsehood. It must be stopped!